


Kill Me And I'll Save You

by sesshouchan



Series: The Playlist - A Never Ending Dream [1]
Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Porn, Assassin Akihito, Cliche, M/M, May triggered something, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Read at your on risk, mention of rape, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 06:03:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8316574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sesshouchan/pseuds/sesshouchan
Summary: How far can you go for something between how you used to live and how you wanted to live?





	1. Perfect Night

**Author's Note:**

> I can't sleep because of this 'What Ifs' and it's already nearing One o'clock AM. *cries* So I gave in and finished it in just, more or less, an hour.
> 
> Un-beta'ed. A lot of errors ahead sorry. :'(

It was the peak of the night; chilly, bright and peaceful. A perfect time for an assassination.

Things were at last in order. Black clothes, guns lined up, an escape route and the target standing perfectly on his spot. An expected murder with the innocence of the soon-to-be dead man.

A true waste, for the man was nothing but a perfection on his formal navy blue suit. Long legged, leaned and toned body of a rare kind businessman. A sight enough for him to drool over the memories they had shared before he went to his planned killing spree.

Takaba Akihito was not a sentimental man. It was not on his personality to dwell on the emotions just because he had something with his current prey. He was fierce. Cold. And dangerous. Not because he needed to be but because it was just him. An embedded personality deep within his core. An expected result of a child who grew up facing the harsh side of the world without anyone except the cold sometimes sharp, sometimes heavy and loud metal who had helped him survived the cruel life.

It was easy for him to end a life. Just a little effort of pulling the trigger and that was it, no remorse, no feelings. Akihito was a killing machine that was used by many people in the shadow of the underground flies that was coward enough to face their enemies face to face. A kind of man who can put the lives of many, a man, woman or even a child, on his hand as long as it serve his purpose in life. Many feared his name, a slight mentioned and they were trembling, looking for a salvation or an extra life. But, once marked, there will be no escape from Akihito's gun.

His target was clueless. Still standing, making transactions not knowing it would be his last. Asami Ryuichi was not an easy one but Akihito found his way. And later, it will become a breezy night for a hot shower of a bloody rain.

Memories of how the man had fucked him open on the window glass of his penthouse was set aside. Feelings of the man's hands that roamed inside and out of his body. Moans that escaped his mouth as Asami ate him raw. Tongue that played his insides, exploring the things that he never thought he would be begging the man to do. Numerous times of cum being splashed on his face, tasting the salty yet sweet milk of the crime master. A taste that lingered even he was quite far away from the man. The burn and marks on his wrists, arms and thighs ached as Akihito remembered how he was tied up, beaten on his requests, and fucked by the enormous length Asami had. Akihito pushed those memories away for he must kill the man for him to have a purpose in life.

A group of men that wanted to drag the crimelord down found their way to Akihito and offered him the thrill and challenge that the man could only afford. He never knew he could enjoy the company of the man as he never thought the word 'enjoy' would exist on his vocabulary. He let himself be raped as he spied on him as a photographer. It was never rape as Akihito started to recall it. The man had forced himself into but he let him. He let him Asami consume him. He doesn't know why but he let the man touched him. Eat him. Made love to him. He can kill anyone if they try just to touch the tip of his hair with his small figure yet he let Asami undress him and fuck him over and over as he bleed and torn apart. He later on even begged the man to do it. Seduced Asami even between his meetings. A single call that could end up Akihito cumming over with just the man's voice. He let himself be driven that no one in the past could even get close with. And now Akihito was on the opposite concrete building to kill the man he had let get close to his none existing heart.

The nearly year they had spent with would have its end with a few seconds just because of how Akihito could leave his only hope of light with just a single pull of the trigger.

The rifle he was gripping hard was pointed at the head of the man he used to pull on his chest after an exploding sex marathon. He would get those golden eyes turn colorless in a matter of a few seconds and Akihito would be just walking with his head up high as if nothing had happened. He would stop the heart he used to listened to or used to make him fall asleep just because he was ordered to.

He was a heartless assassin. And he would do it.

A commotion later hit the opposite building where Asami was standing. No, laying down. Akihito carelessly did what he had to do and fired the sniper rifle that was aiming for Asami. He did not flinched. He did not get distracted. He was focused all through the process until he witnessed the man fall from his standing grace.

But he was crying. Silently letting the tears fall from the eyes Asami once mentioned beautiful. Suddenly remembering how Asami took care of him when he had nightmares; when Asami bathed him when he could no longer lift a muscle after being drained up, when the man cooked when he had a fever because he let himself play under the rain, when Asami bought him boxes of Pocky, when Asami took him to an amusement park just because he never had experienced to be on one and lastly, when Asami made him feel that it was okay to depend on someone. Because it was Asami Ryuichi who brought back the things that his childhood past stole from him.

Asami brought back the feelings he got numbed to feel.

And Takaba Akihito just killed it...again. No regrets. Just a numbed feeling of wanting to have something impossible. An itchy feeling of something he wanted to undo but ended up as a wishful thinking.

The feeling that made the handgun that was on his side felt heavy but Akihito pulled it out anyway. The trembling hand that pointed the end of the gun to the head that was not on the right way of thinking.

And the loud shot of the gun disturbed the peaceful perfect night.

It was passed midnight; chilly and soundless. A perfect time for a perfect assassination.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-huh. Someone made an update. *phew*
> 
> I'm itching to write! Really. But damn RL situations. *sobs*
> 
> Anyhoooooow... Truly sorry for not updating as soon possible also with my other ongoing stories. *sobs*
> 
> Anyways... Enjoy! *errrr or not - Mind the tags - Cliche chapter - grammatical errors ahead* *runs*

It was supposed to be a top secret. A nothing but a hidden transaction that no one needed to know. Not even the guards that used to accompany the top most crime lord in the food chain knew about it. It was because Asami decided that they didn't need to know how the mighty king would fall. Yet, he let another person joined them. A little one hiding in the shadow in a nearby building. He knew he was there but he didn't do anything.

The transaction that he was about to seal was one of the many that he must take to have the iron grip to the foundation of the underground business. A commitment he had promised to a certain pale blond for him to be released from the chains of his past. It was unspoken yet Asami felt it was his duty to do something or else the man would slip away from his hands.

A certain young blond who had awaken the sleeping beast inside him that he can't control unless he need to do something with him; suddenly came to his surprised and got him addicted. It was then he decided to keep him, bind him, to forever cage him in his arms. Asami needed Akihito to calm the raging monster he thought he could never release. He crave for his flesh, his insides, his whole self and he will do everything to have them right on his palm.

\---

It was a peaceful night like this when he first saw Akihito. A pale, thin, teenager look a like young man hiding in one of the corners of the warehouse he used to make deals with other crime lords. He was then holding a camera but it was obvious that he was not there to take pictures. He was there to be noticed and that was Asami did. He dragged the young man to his place and forced out the truth to why he was there. He was too stubborn though. Akihito kept on insisting that he was there to capture the evildoing of the men for the newspaper he was working for but Asami knew there was something else to it. And the way Akihito fought him, turned Asami immediately on. An emotion that stirred up his core. A want that he never felt for a long long time with anyone that crossed his path. Asami Ryuichi came down from a poised calm man to a sadistic monster in a form of a handsome human. A swift minute later and the young man was naked on his table and was nicely served. Tied both hands but still fighting and fucking open for Asami to take.

The drugs he made Akihito take weren't enough to make him submit yet he had his ways. He blindfolded him, taking away one of his senses to make the others highlighted. It made his skin react to his every touch. Sweet and warm. Very effective , he thought, and that's when Asami made his move. He literally tasted the young man from his lips, taking away his breathe, pushing him to tell his secrets, biting his way down until Asami reached what he was aiming for.

Flesh. Asami could eat if it would allow him to but of course, it would much of a waste. He wanted Akihito to last long, take his time to consume the young man not just physically but mentally. Asami was keeping the young man under him but he was already planning on how he could make him submit on his knees. Anyhow, seconds later, Akihito screamed the life out of his lungs when suddenly, Asami moved and torn his hole apart. Akihito has no idea, but Asami, he went inside him, pushing his heavy loaded, thick length to his tight entrance not even giving the young man a time to adjust. Legs were spread into Asami's liking that he bet it hurt a lot but it was nothing compare to the fresh wound he just made into his pink hole. Akihito showed an expression of pain yet instead of Asami stopping, he moved. He moved against between his legs dealing with the overflowing pleasure he's getting from the young man, letting the blood flow from the boy's entrance, coloring his manhood with rich thick red. Ramming his own to the body he badly wanted to break.

However, something happened that picked Asami's rare interest. Because who would have thought that'll happen? No one. Not even Asami. Faint but it was there...Akihito was moaning. Suppressing it by biting his lower lip but Asami heard it between the slicky sound of their bodies. It was clearly his first; torn, bloodied and forced yet he heard the young man moan. Not loud but clear enough for the older man to stop and look closely. Pain was indeed mixed with pleasure. Pleasure that he could not get from his previous partners. Who would have thought that someone who happened to be on this transaction, spying, could meet his sexual frustrations. And at that moment, Asami made a decision.

Akihito was for him to keep. Only for him to enjoy; to punish. And he would do anything to keep that expression under him.

\----

A day would not end without Akihito getting totally wasted. He would have him anytime, anywhere if given a chance. Asami could even sometimes leave Akihito sleeping then would wake him up just to have a round with him. The young blond became so damn irresistible. He could not get enough of him that it was so hard to control. Akihito drove him crazy the way his past partners in bed could not do. Even the once displayed toys got played and it even multiplied. Asami tried a lot of things with the man, a frustrated dream he thought he would never reach; like leaving him with a gag while tied on his bed post, a block on his hole for a day, sometimes he would leave special toys for him to play with, especially when he drown Akihito with drugs. Healthy drugs if such things exists but for Asami; yes, there were. The older man experimented on him and he's not done yet. He's a sadist and Akihito was his little pet to play with.

Their bodies was so compatible Asami could leave his manhood burried deeply in the pale blond that he could never hear him complaint. He was even begging the older man to do him, to make their love making rough and hard. A turn on for a man who suppressed his damn frustrations for years.

Yet it was yet to be completed. Asami still didn't know anything about the man until later.

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months.

It was on the sixth month when the report had finally came. From the day one to the sixth, Kirishima kept on bowing lower than usual for providing his reports late. It was not that it was hard to find, it just didn't exist. Takaba Akihito is not a name to begin with. It was just a rumored title to a person who was a hard killer, a murderer, a shadow that kept on lurking even without a proper body.

Takaba Akihito was just a label to keep himself identified. He got no name, no background. No records on statistics nor in Japan's database. He was just a nobody that was used by many to clean their dirty backyards.

Asami Ryuichi was not surprised by what he has read but on how his secretary had found him.

' "Akihito's dead for six months now." I heard from some folks on a high end casino in Roponggi.' Said his secretary. 'It was then easy to pick up the pieces.' Asami has been on the game for a long time now but he never thought that the killer he once hired to silence somebody was the same person who kept his sexual drive active for months now. "Still full of surprises, my Akihito." He commented. Because he could not imagine that the young boy who was just burning with a fever a few nights, who had laughed like a kid as he they try the rides in an amusement park was the same person who had known for killing without mercy. Somehow, Asami felt a little bit betrayed but at the same time delighted. Not because Akihito was not an innocent as he thought he would be, but because he could try to level up their games now.

A game of life and death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, criticize, review, anything~~~ I would love to read them. *hehe
> 
> Toodles!~~~ XOXO EVERYONE!!!
> 
> P.s damn with the latest update. I CREI BUT I CHEER FOR AKI. GOOOOO AKI!!!


	3. Deep Night and Railings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating this so late and for confusion.
> 
> Chapter 2 and 3 happened before Chapter 1.
> 
> Chapter 1 is the present while the other 2 are the flashbacks or the past.
> 
> For any questions, ask it away! :) I'll try to answer without spoiling anything :D
> 
> Usual disclaimer :D Enjoy reading! Though there's nothing to enjoy on this chapter. LoL *runs

Asami went home as if he didn't learned anything from Akihito. He still scooped the man away from the kitchen and dragged him to the bedroom, kissing the life out of him leaving the uncooked dishes he was preparing.

"You're in good mood," Akihito noticed, wrapping his arms to the neck of him as he was being undressed by the older man.

"I am," Asami pulling the man until they were in the open balcony of their master's bedroom. The night breeze made Akihito shiver but he was not complaining. They had done it a number of times in the balcony and it was not something foreign anymore. He could not care who would see him, though they were so high, because all that matters was how Asami could make him scream and totally filled up.

Akihito went back to reality when he heard a metal clicked on his left wrist. "I am not still convinced that you're not a magician, Asami." He was handcuffed on the railings, naked and chilled. A sight the older man had pictured as he was finishing the reports Kirishima gave earlier. A perfect kind of interrogation for tricky sneaky brat.

Asami stepped back a little to see how marvelous his pet was. Seductively innocent, as he described him. He felt his own pants hardened but it was not due yet. He must still squeeze the truth out from the young man before he could finally taste his dinner. He must know who the real Akihito is,  
or was, or else he could not let Akihito alive.

"You're not leaving me here for the whole night, right? Asami?" His voice had curiosity and a little hint of doubt but Asami just stood there watching as the young man. Silence covered the space as they started a staring game. The young blond tried to escape but the handcuff was strong enough to keep him on his place.

Then, one final look at the smoking man on his front, Akihito knew that the game was over.

And he was not the winner. Asami was.

"Since when?" Akihito asked. Not using the oh-so nice tone he usually use for the past six months. It was a cold voice and it was from a person who kill for a living.

"Just this morning," Asami took another stick after disposing the consumed one. "And here I thought you're an angel sent from the heaven above."

"As if," He pushed himself up until he was sitting on the railings. Nevermind his nakedness and the chillness of the night, he was on display and he won't be turning away from it. "So, are you going to kill me now?"

"Do you want me to?"

The question Akihito never thought he would be hearing from the man he needed to kill. Yes. He needed Asami dead. An order he took from some businessman after receiving a huge amount of money. So much money he could build his own line of businesses. They didn't gave him a deadline because they know how good Asami's organization was but now that he's found out, Akihito could not answer but say yes.

"Are you sure?" Asami walked, getting himself near to his supposed to be killer. Close enough until he was gripping Akihito's neck. He was chocking the young blond with a great force yet he was not fighting. He was just holding Asami's hand may he out balanced and fall.

However, before Asami could end the life of his little pet, he released his hand but captured Akihito's mouth in return before he could get a breathe. The young one nearly passed out before Asami let him go. He slumped himself on Asami's footing as he could not longer held himself on the railings. As soon as Akihito's breathing went to normal, he heard Asami unbuckling his pants and when he looked up to see what he was doing, he was grabbed by the older and was placed back on his front, balancing himself on the balcony's iron barries.

And from that, Akihito realized that the game was still on.

He was about to make his move but the sudden movement of Asami made Akihito surround his arm on the older man's neck for he could no longer keep up his position.

Legs spread and exposed like a skinned animal ready to be experimented. The younger one apprehended what was about to happen but the sudden thrust to his unprepared entrace hurt like hell. He screamed and held tighter for he was going to have a rough ride, just like their first time.

Every thrust his penetrator made were full and forced and it only brought pain to him, the receiver. Little sobs were heard but was ignored because compare to the betrayal he made to the older man, though felt minimal, was more important compare to the physical pain he was about to feel.

Asami continued to move his hips until he finally heard what he was waiting for. Pants and moans echoed on his ear, music to his delight, and that was how he finally won the game.

\---

Caged and chain, Akihito remained in the penthouse serving his punishment. Ever since the day Asami found out, he was treated like some dirty whore whose only purpose was to give satisfaction to his master. He was thankful though. Akihito thought it was his end. He was ready for it, really.

He knew killing the man was difficult, that was what learned after living with him for a few days. But after a month, Akihito knew it was impossible. Not because the process was limited, no, he could kill him anytime in a way he wanted to. It just that he couldn't, not anymore. There was something Asami revived from his dead soul. Something the older man made out and made Akihito attached. Something like emotions.

He was prepared to die after he fucked him at the balcony. He though the crimelord would push him, letting him fall to his death, but he didn't. Instead, he chained him, his foot on the bedpost, and caged on the master bedroom. Food and water were supplied once a day. Barely enough for him to survive.

It lasted for three weeks, the punishment. Three weeks, day and night, he was fucked by Asami whenever he has free time. Akihito did not say no. He let the man do whatever he wanted to his body. Gagged, whipped, bruised yet never beaten. Asami never hit him something Akihito also wondered why not. He could just ask him directly but he knew Asami would never tell him. He would not even speak to him unless they were fucking.

Until one day, his man, Kirishima, unchained him and said, "Asami-sama expects you to be in Sion in 20 minutes. Please wear these clothes to avoid being noticed. You're known to be dead and we don't want to cause any trouble. I'll be waiting outside."

Wondering, Akihito did what he was told. In fifteen, he was already outside wearing the gray pants, sneakers and black hoodie provided for him. Half of his face was covered hence, no one could identify him unless they were face to face.

Masking his questions, Akihito arrived to one of his master's den.

\---

Asami stared at the young man who he had been living for months. With his clothes on, he looked normal. Not an assassin who would kill given the right price. Not someone who had suffered through his punishment. He was just a normal boy who was supposed to be running on the streets, having a life. But there he was, standing in front of him, looking nothing but a person he made him to be.

"You have no records, nothing to be investigate. As I recall, I don't even know how old you are, Akihito." Asami started.

The young man just shrugged it off. "I don't even know myself." He answered.

"Really now?"

"Yeah, but I can give you a number to how many people that wanted you dead." Akihito continued not even batting an eye.

"Is that loyalty? Are you pledging your loyalty, Akihito?" The crimelord asked.

"Do you want me to?"

"Your nature is known to be bought. Meaning--"

"--my words are nothing but empty."

Asami was not surprised that Akihito knew how people looked at him. The comments they gathered made it clear that 'Takaba Akihito' or also known as Dove, both aliases, were enough for him to distrust him. He could be bought in any price offered. His loyalty was just a show off to gain his customers' trust.

"I once asked the 'Dove' to kill someone for me, paid him luxury but almost seven months ago, 'Takaba Akihito' lived with me to kill me. And they are both the same person. To think that I hired you sometime ago. You must be laughing hard in those months because I was under your thumb all this time."

Asami observed Akihito for any reaction but there wasn't any. He was expressionless as he hoped him to be. To remain as calm as he could be, there was no doubt, he was indeed the assassin Dove. No one saw him even the highest bidder so there was no surprise that he could live up to two names. Asami was displeased on how he was kept in the dark. He trusted 'Akihito', he let him live with him, he let him close enough not just physical but emotionally. He invested his feelings to a person he knew nothing about. He let his emotions ran to the person in front of him for the first time. He let the beast inside him be tamed, in a way, only to be betrayed. Asami laughed at his own mistake. A mistake he would never dare to repeat.

And Akihito would be the first and last person he would let to be able to do it.

To end everything between them, Asami placed a gun in front of Akihito without leaving his sight in him.

"You know what to do, Akihito." Asami said breaking the silence around.

"You'll know what to do, since you're very good at it."

"Kill or be killed as the saying goes. Now Akihito, you killed a lot already and I know you already know what will come next."

With the same, straight cold voice, Akihito answered,

"It's time for me to be...killed."


	4. The Board

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was not really my intention to be this late to update but somehow I ended up updating it late. Almost one year of not updating? Really? lllOrz
> 
> Anyway, HI! Lovelots to you all!
> 
> And Enjoy! *lol if there is something to enjoy in this chapter.*runs*

**One year ago**

**Somewhere in Osaka**

 

"You seriously goin' to pick that up?" A man lying on the couch asked bearing a bored look on his face. Mid 40’s but still could pass younger than 40 actually if he tried hard enough. A visible scar could be seen on his right cheek.

"Why not?" A young man looked back at the said man confused but still holding an envelope on his free hand.

"You may not come out alive, you know?"

"So?"

"That shit you’re holding is quite pricey. I thought you didn't care about money? So why now? Tired of living already?" He asked with the same bored expression.

"It's not about the money, old man."

"Then what for?" Curious now.

"For the thrill what else could it be?" The younger man sinisterly smiled. “If this amount of money will take away this dreadful feeling, why not?”

"You should get some life, kid. It may not be too late for you." But it was contrary for his expression changed from being bored to amused.

"Maybe you should, now," Akihito looked down on the said man, scoffing. "You're starting to say the impossible. Tired of living already?" Returning the question they both know what the answer was.

"Still cheeky, aren't yah?” Grinning now, he lifted the almost empty glass of beer in the table near him. “Here's to your death then," And continued, "To your end, Takaba Akihito."

 

 _Cheers_.

 

\---

 

**Present Day**

 

The gun laying on his front looked nothing but just the same of the many he used before however, when he picked it up, it was heavier than he thought. Akihito didn't know if it was because of the number of lives it has taken or because it was the gun that would end his life any second now.

 "The irony," The golden-eye man interrupted. "What will the people who hired you say now if they see you like this? Imagine the news spreading, 'Takaba Akihito was killed by his own target.'" The older man mocked.

"Technically, I'm the one shooting myself so it was I--" Akihito tried to answer but was cut off immediately.

"Who said about you doing it?"

"What?" Akihito confusingly asked looking directly now at those fierce golden-eyes.

"It's true that it'll be your turn to die given that you're so eager to be, but then again, I never said about you committing it."

Asami stood up walking towards the him.

"You're not going to die with your own hands, kid. Not _yet_ anyway." He whispered while towering and conquering his personal space. "You have still some use to me so I'm not disposing you." Asami circled Akihito until he was just behind him. The older man then slowly pulled the hood down totally removing his jacket afterwards.

"You still have so many _use_ for me, Akihito." Again with the voice on his ears. The kind that sent him sensations he didn’t want at the moment.

If not with the threat just around the corner, Akihito could've pulled Asami down and kissed him. The kiss he usually give to the man for the past months they were living _peacefully._ Although not that he couldn’t at the moment, he just couldn’t push his luck too far or else, he’ll die the moment he could even pull him.

Akihito was not sure anymore if the man could even let him _touch_ him. Also, it was utterly inappropriate given that they were in the middle of discussing _his_ life, yet the way Asami slowly lingered around him, it was just a huge turn on for him. But no, even though his voice was seductive as fuck on his ears, he couldn't move. He couldn't take the risk and act the slut he normally was, of course to Asami only, or else the man might do something he would surely regret.

"Remove everything." The man instructed instead, voice fading away from his ears. "And when you’re done, climb to my desk."

Akihito wanted to look back, but he really couldn’t. He didn't want to see how Asami was looking at him at the very moment. If there were hints of disappointment and betrayal, which he was sure there were, he was not ready to take it. His life itself was already a big disappointment and to see it through Asami, he was not ready. In all honesty, he didn’t want Asami to look at him like that. Not _yet_ anyway.

Nevertheless of how Asami's presence affected him and how he was trying to control his own mind and reflexes, Akihito quietly did what he was told to do. He was once again on his birthday suit, something he was not embarrassed anymore, displaying himself _only_ for the man's view. He didn't know when it started but wearing clothes now were much more unusual than being naked especially in front of Asami.

When Akihito found his comfortable position, facing the man with his legs widely spread showing everything like the way the older man love, Asami approached him and traced the fading marks he put on his skin.

The younger man was someone who couldn't be intimidated easily yet when the other man touched his skin, he couldn't help but shiver. His body knew Asami’s touch and denying it was not even in the book. His every touch felt too hot to bear and he just couldn’t ignore it, not before especially not now. Akihito fought himself not to moan but he ended up as a failure. Asami’s skin on his was just fucking so good even though his words caused him to bleed inside.

"You're just an empty canvas to me now, Akihito," Asami leaned on him and continued. "A plain white canvas waiting for me to be painted on. You understand that, right? You _love_ it right? When I do _things_ to you."

Asami tilted his head wanting his eyes locking on him. "Now, what I wanted you to do is very simple.” But he knew it very well the simple thing would be as _simple_ as that. “You prepare yourself using this," Then Asami handed back the gun that he laid on his front earlier. "Make yourself loose so that when I come back, you'll be fucking ready. So easy right?" He smiled yet his golden eyes were not fooling around. "Try not to get my desk dirty and then if you're good, we'll _talk_." Then he started to walk away leaving the younger man with the gun back to his hand.

Akihito gulped at the uncertainty of Asami's orders. He was ordered a lot of things before and when he said a lot of things, he meant it. Heck he even did it before. He gun fucked himself while Asami watched him, however, this time it was different. Akihito felt that it was not _safe_ anymore. He was not sure of how things would go this time and Akihito couldn’t just go without knowing where he could end up.

The crimelord left him totally confused now. He thought it was his end and he wished it really was. Because for the first time, Akihito felt genuinely afraid of the man.

Asami Ryuichi finally reached his fucking core of raw emotions. Emotions he was too scared to exist.

And the thrill he was asking before really got him good. As in good as dead.

 

**10 hours later**

 

Akihito was lying on the carpeted floor tied, naked, bruised and totally wasted, once again. Cum and sweat all over his weakened body. His breathing was becoming irregular maybe due to exhaustion or due to the drugs that Asami used while he do him, he really couldn’t tell. His mind was also in a mess that he could no longer keep up with the things the older man was doing to him for hours. Akihito was tired and just wanted _it_ to end, wanted to sleep and not wake up anymore, yet he couldn’t. Asami kept him awake. His body was used to different drugs, but it was Asami he was talking about. He was a fucking drug lord and of course he could easily get the finesse ones. The ones his body didn’t know of.

“You get it now, Akihito?” He asked but it was not processing anymore. “Don’t sleep yet we’re not done yet.”

But Akihito could only let a groan.

“If you can just see yourself at the moment, for sure you’ll be amazed at how beautiful you are right now. The beauty you didn’t know until I _made_ you.”

Akihito remained silent until he was lift from the floor and brought back to comfort, the bed.

“I told you Akihito, we are not done _yet._ ”

 

\---

 

It was a bright sunny day and he just wanted to have a nice lazy day by resting and laying on the soft and inviting bed forgetting about the problems and issues he currently has, but instead of doing so, Akihito was in front of his old _hideout_ , a common residence area in Tokyo, trying to gather his thoughts and actually do his _mission_.

After of who-knows-how-long sex marathon he and Asami did three days ago, the older man had _let go_ of him after almost eight months of living together. It was a subtle way of saying he was kicked out of the Penthouse. Asami’s reason?

 _“It is only logical to throw out of this place, right Akihito? After all, you already failed your_ mission _. Those people who you are working for will the one to clean up their mess and maybe this time, I can actually be grateful to them.”_

That’s what he said and there he was, standing in front of his place, aching all over his body. Three days and his bruises were just as fresh as that day.

Akihito never thought that a day would come when he would be going back to his old place, confusingly still in one piece. It was a house, not too grand but enough to be called luxury. The one he bought a year ago for his special mission. Never he thought that he could be actually living on it since he only bought for his _story._

It was already a year ago, but he could still remember it. He was a hired killer the many of men with power seek to have their dirty job done. Akihito was one of the few that was trusted to do the hardest missions. VIPs, officials – local and international, anyone in any age as long as his interest was in. There were no filters to his targets except his own discretion. And because of his high rate of success, his 'board' was always full of 'tasks' just waiting to be picked up and be done.

He felt nostalgic, feeling the adrenaline he had in those missions, but he really wasn't comfortable of the thought of going back to the person he was before. Not after meeting the Don of the underground world.

Living with the man made him realized how _dirty_ he was. Not sexually, he only became like that because Asami happened. But in other aspect, he was filthy. Mind and soul.

He was disgusted of how he let himself became of who he _is_ today. Became someone who was used by many not because of money but because of the _talent_ _and skills_ he grew up having. He was so good in what he does for a living, but he was not really _living._ His life was on that board of his and if there was nothing he could be interested in, then there goes his life. He was nothing if there was nothing on it.

Now, just thinking of how he would live his life, it terrified him. The thrill he was having for months by just having Asami on his side was now gone.

_“I can’t go back anymore.”_

In those days of his, Akihito would go out fresh and energetic but would go home dirty and sometimes covered with blood. He would sleep every night hearing the cries and screams of his victims asking for seconds chances in life. Second chances he never gave. Their lives depended on his finger or hand whether he would pull the trigger or not, whether he would slice them or not. However, as tough and good he was, Akihito was not as perfect as he was thought of by many. Even he, a _role model_ of his own kind, had a fair share of flaws.

_“My monster.”_

His very own version of monster in nightmare form. Nightmares that sometimes could make him stay the entire day and night. But it was not the pleas of his victims and targets that _frightened_ him. Their voices were just the background _music_ of what he was afraid of. He could actually live with it even if he tried with less effort. He was used to it that it was scary because the cries of those people were nothing but the calm he needed to actually go and have a nice deep sleep.

What Akihito could not really stand hearing was the distinct voice and cry that would visit from time to time. It was a young voice, so innocent and pure for this world. A voice that had a promising bright future. A voice that was once belonged to a five-year-old kid whose life was nothing but ordinary and _normal_ surrounded by people he felt safe and contended with _._ It scared him because he knew the owner of the voice very well.

It was once his voice.

It was his own, his young self, trapped, helpless and dying. Screaming, begging, asking the pain to stop. Akihito was his own monster. The one he was tired to live with yet couldn't escape. He wanted to kill himself a long time ago just to make the voice stop. Pointed a gun to his head but the little voice inside his head also begged him not to.

_“You have no reason to live but you don’t have any reason to die either. Live…You can die anytime anyway. Just wait for the right moment or person to do so.”_

It was then when he was staring at his board, not really looking just staring, he saw Asami Ryuichi's name. _Again_.

“It started with this piece of paper,” He talked to himself. “But with this sheet, it ended everything.”

Sighing, knowing that it would be a different from now, he forced himself to sleep hoping that everything would go back to where it needed to be. Akihito needed to be himself once again, not the person he had become ever since he met the man with golden eyes. The man who made his monster awake alive.

 

**The Next Day**

 

Akihito was not on any mood to do anything. However, he needed some things to do. News, for sure, would travel fast regarding his failed mission. One year and his target, Asami Ryuichi, was still standing and fucking alive. Even though his own rumors were still going around, he couldn’t help it but be discreet. He knew those men would still be looking for him and his success. Many of them were waiting for the news to break that finally the might Asami was no longer around.

The payment they partially wired to his account remained almost the same since Asami provided him more than enough of what he was expecting. Thus, he still has the funds to continue his mission.

“But the question now is…”

_Can he still do it?_

Asami tamed the monster he tried to hide for who-knows-how-long. And to be honest, he was having second thoughts whether to do it or not. He could just vanish easily but knowing his target would be targeted by someone, the fire in him was getting hotter. He doesn’t want _anyone_ touching what’s ‘his’.

Realizing what he truly _wanted_ to do, he picked up his phone and started dialing a number he never thought he would.

The other line greeted him, but Akihito went straight to business and just said, “I’ll do it.”

 

\---

 

A year ago, Akihito was not really thinking about it thoroughly and just went on accepting it. He knew the mission would give him the thrill and challenge he was craving. It was already a year ago when he made the decision, yet it felt to him like it was just yesterday.

And now that he was back to where he started planning, Akihito finally understood why he had accepted it in the first place. His answer to his mentor a year ago was only half of what he realized; it was not the thrill of the chase that gave him the feeling of being alive, but it was the opposite.

Akihito wanted to die.

Every day he was ready to die.

Every day waiting for someone to come and point the gun to his head and pull the trigger.

Everyday filling up the nothingness he was born with, with something he could only gain from ending a life.

Everyday wanting someone to be able to do it.

He just wanted to end the life he was tiringly living, and Akihito wanted it to end through the hands of his own target, Asami Ryuichi, because he knew the man too well. He could do it. Asami was the only that could actually do it. He knew the man could really end it well just the way it should be.

"The game will finally be over for you, Takaba Akihito." He said.

It was suicide the moment he let himself be taken by Asami. The moment he gave up himself for a little comfort he has been looking so long. The glimpse of life he prayed to have when he was little. Asami gave it all to him and he had betrayed him. And that was his key to make his mission a success.

Letting out the breath he was holding up, he went down to his basement and started to gather the things he needed to _continue_ his one final mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment your thoughts! I would love to read them. XOXO!

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry again if it was unusual to read because of how I wrote it. *gloom* It felt like I wanted it to be written that way despite of how odd it may become.
> 
> Comments, reviews and critics are very much welcome. 
> 
> XOXO!!!


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